Friday, September 30, 2005

The Wanderer

I traveled far. I traveled wide. I went from coast to coast and saw an ocean I had never seen before. I stood on the hill surrounded by beauty and gazed upon the titan across the sky. I saw strange people. They looked strangely upon me. She was with me but not. I carried mountains of pain and nearly every day it rained. I rose above great landscapes and I was so far away, yet I was so close. I could not escape her. She was with me all the time. Had anyone held my pain the cup would fill the heavens. And, now, so familiar are the crutches, the stitches, the needles and the bandages that I welcome them as friends. I hobbled there and I hobbled back the ghosts never ceasing to taunt, tease and check my progress only to attack. I kissed her, but not her. I held her, but not her. She held me, but it wasn't her. If I could have ripped my own heart from my chest and torn it apart I would have. I wanted it to die. So great a love, so unworthy a one. So much passion, so much bereavement. And she only lives in me.

I went out walking with a bible and a gun
The word of God lay heavy on my heart
I was sure I was the one
Now Jesus, don't you wait up
Jesus, I'll be home soon
Yea I went out for the papers
told her I'd be back by noon
Yeah I left with nothing
but the thought you'd be there too
looking for you...
Yeah I left with nothing
nothing but the thought of you...
I went wandering

A moment for Johnny Cash